past and present
by secretly sociopathic
Summary: The difference between what is and what could have been. -SuzakuEuphemia.


summary; the difference between what is and what could have been.

series; code geass: lelouch of the rebellion

pairing; suzakueuphemia

disclaimer; do not own.

notes; spoilers for literally entire series. do not read unless you've completed the series thanks.

...

i.

You fell in love with her nearly the first time you met her. Now, you're usually not one to believe in soul mates or anything like that. You used to think it was kind of silly.

But then, your soul mate fell out of a building right into your arms.

You felt yourself compelled to buy her things, make her happy, and to make her laugh. You felt the need to tell her everything she wanted to know, indulge her every whim. You caught yourself staring at her smile, milking in her laugh, memorizing her bone structure. You couldn't even help yourself, it's like your eyes had a mind of their own.

ii.

You're sitting alone, in your room in the palace, where you're forced to live. You are staring at a picture, the only light in the giant room. You are tired, and you feel heavy and deflated from life.

Most of all, you can't shake the feeling that you feel wrong without your Princess by your side.

Everything has felt empty since her death. Her unjust, unfair, life shattering death. You love her more than anything or anybody you've ever loved, and death cannot and will not change that, you think.

She was everything. She was perfect. She was wonderful. The way she thought, the way she hoped and believed. The way she lived was just beauty in motion, and you think if perfection could ever materialize that it would've been her.

You let out a sigh, and it does not help the weight that you feel on your heart, where the pin she gave you used to go.

iii.

"I hereby command you to love me!"

Without thinking, you reply a "right!" of agreement. You already love her, that's a no brainer.

iv.

It is midnight and you are sobbing shamelessly to the picture of you and your Princess. You rule the world in your too big palace with your frosted over heart and all you can do is wish she was ruling it with you.

She wouldn't even have to rule it, you think, as she was never meant to rule. She was meant for sunshine and rainbows and cotton candy. She was meant for happiness and love and sweet things like chocolate and shoes.

She was not meant for the world you lived in together. She was not meant for war and hardness.

You think how amazing she was, to not be affected by such things. To have the same, beautiful, happy outlook on things even in such dark times.

You wish you could have kept the mind state you held when she was in your arms.

v.

You are standing in a field, looking at the most gorgeous face you've ever seen. You two stare at each other awkwardly, not quite knowing what to say.

"I-"

You both pause, realizing you had both started at the same time. You both start to laugh.

You are so in love it physically hurts.

vi.

Sometimes, you think of Lelouch, your very best friend. You think of the blood on your hands that belongs to him and you think of what she would tell you.

That it was for the best. That you did for him what he really truly wanted.

There are some nights, though, that you wish she was there to just hold you, and whisper softly into you.

Like she never really got the chance to do.

vii.

You pick her up with your Knightmare arm and hold her for the crowd to see. She is beautiful and she is yours and you have never been so proud of anything in your entire life.

You do not know what to think when she says to let the cameras roll. You do not suspect what she is trying to do at all. When she declares the Special Administration Zone of Japan, you are baffled, but elated. When she says that she wants Zero to join her, you are confused and outraged.

And yet, you find it impossible to actually stay angry with her.

Because she loves you and you love her and really, that's all that matters.

viii.

You are lonely without her during your time with the living, but in the realm of dreams you are not.

Every night in your dreams she is there. You often just sit there and talk to her. Not about anything important. You just never want the memory of her voice to fade, so you just listen to her.

You miss her voice.

ix.

You, her Knight, are ever faithfully by her side while she awaits Zero. She had talked to you that morning, so full of love and happiness, excitement and hope.

She had told you that she really hoped Zero would show up. You had questioned why it mattered so much to her, and she giggled in response. She then told you that she hoped you would know soon.

You did not understand what she meant, but you did understand what her eyes told you when she looked at you. You hope she could read yours, too, as they both held the same message.

I love you.

x.

In another world, you wonder if you had been able to save her. You think the two of you would've gotten married, had a child or two, and lived happily ever after.

You think the marriage would've been an extravagant one, as that's something she probably would've wanted. Cornelia would've been present, along with Lelouch and Nunally. The student council, of course. Milly would've been a riot that day, you think.

You know you would've worshiped her every day, made everything worth doing for her. You would've made her breakfast in bed, braided her hair like she often times asked you to do every morning. You would've given her the world if she asked, and you would've done it more then willingly.

You think you would've protected her until the day she died, elderly and peaceful, and you would've loved it.

Euphy, you muse, loving you was all I ever wanted to do.


End file.
